Its amazing...

the beauty that life will bring you, if you have the gumption to say yes...

Today I learned:

-the basics of riding bike:
squeeze the clutch, slowly accelerate, release.
decelerate, squeeze the clutch, shift gears, accelerate, release.

-the basics of riding horse:
pressure and release.
don't let the horse ride you. ride the horse.
don't be afraid to let him know where to go and when.
don't be afraid to pet him.
don't be afraid of the natural handle that god gave you to hold on to: hair. (when bareback)
say thank you.

wonderful children's book I read last night. 

-Kimimila: Butterfly :)

of Love and Guts

"Something in her had created a perpetual defiance, of the very possibility of experience, an urge for flight. She had stood many times on the edge, and had to run away."

Livelihood: Valerie Brown Eyes & Henry Red Cloud

One thing I've learned so far is that the Lakota find a deep sense of pride and self identity in knowing where they come from. A true Lakota thinks and acts with heart. A true Lakota infuses their Native culture and spirituality in everything they do. Its like seasoning that they sprinkle here, there, and everywhere. You may not even notice it being done, but it sure makes everything taste good. You may have read, 80% of the people here are unemployed. This happens for various reasons: lack of transportation, lack of opportunity, lack of education, substance abuse, criminal record, fear of not qualifying for TANF or EBT, politics between "half bloods" and "full bloods," etc. As you can see, there are many barriers. HOWEVER, even with so much oppression, the Lakota as a whole can hold on to the fact that they are still able to find beauty in themselves and in the Creator. The Lakota are not a people of materialism. Thats something that I understood initially, but at the same time, didn't quite wrap my head around what that would look like. My perspective became clearer when Valerie came to the house the other week to show us how she makes mer famous porcupine quill jewelry! (Hopefully I'll be bringing some artisan crafts from here to sell for them back home in Nashville.) Valerie, like many other Natives on the rez, uses her crafts as a means to make money and survive. It is her livelihood. Most artists here have no formal schooling for their art; these are trades passed down to them by their elders. Valerie began her demo by telling us how she gets the quills off the porcupine and dyes them (really nasty, stanky process, by the way). Then, she began to explain how she chose to live off the rez and get a normal job for a number of years while she was in her twenties. After awhile, she hated it. She missed her people, the tradition, the way of life; she became extremely depressed. After overcoming alcoholism and moving back on the rez, she began selling her beadwork. She explained that as she and her brothers and sisters learned how to do the various crafts, her grandmother would use the time to pass down stories and teach them how to pray. Every beadwork is a prayer. There is much thought and intention behind the colors, the pictures, everything. Valerie works with a lot of Sunset and Sunrise colors because they hold a lot of personal meaning for her. The work is extensive, and yet...they don't sell the crafts for as much as one would think. She has thought about setting up ebay and etsy accounts, but lacks the resources. As she explained this, I could tell that it was not a huge concern to her that she could be making more money. Thats the part that clicked to me...she could make more money. But, as long as she can sustain herself on her income, I think thats all she really cares about. She has even taught a White man how to make beadwork. (He in turn set up a huge money making business out of it, using her techniques, but thats another story) Anyway, I thought that was really beautiful. She goes door to door selling beadwork around the rez and will take orders if people request them, but nothing really beyond that. Just goes to show that material wealth really is not at the forefront of her concern. All this to say, I guess I learned that we all have different views of what stability and success look like.

Porcupine quills, dyed.

Valerie doing her thang.

Finished product carrying the symbol for the sacred Black Hills, a shooting star, and a thunderbolt.
tied with buffalo hide. 

Henry Red Cloud. I cannot say enough positive things about this man's character, you have to meet him to really understand. All in all, he's a badass. In my eyes, he is what they call a "wica" in Lakota. A wica is what every Lakota man strives to be. The kind of man who demonstrates the highest of Lakota virtues: generosity, courage, fortitude, and wisdom. Henry began his work in solar energy as he looked for an alternative to woodburning in the winter for his home. So, one day he decided to Google "renewable energy." Long story short, he has since developed his own company, Lakota Solar Enterprises, in which he trains Native people how to do green, cost/energy efficient construction. He calls them "Solar Warriors." Bear in mind, this man has no "formal" schooling in any of the skill required to build these homes. He learned all of these trades and skills by volunteering for housing projects over many years. He is an absolute genius. The people I was with would ask, "Henry, how does this work?" and he would give a short, simple answer, that really was not simple at all. Physics equations and things of the like. However, he's such a simple, soft-spoken man that he is able to respond in a way that even the most clueless person can get a grasp of what he does. This is why I want to learn everything I possibly can from him over the next few months. What he hopes for is "homes by the people, for the people" to solve the extraordinarily high percentage of insufficient, unstable housing on the rez. All the materials used to construct the houses are recycled, energy efficient, and cost efficient. He takes 1970's concepts, 21st century technology, and what he calls "a little touch of Lakota" to produce these incredible straw bale houses. He is a recipient of the Nuclear Free Futures award, which is described as "the most important anti-nuclear award in the world." He stood side by side with internationally renowned scientists, activists, and other accomplished people from various fields. But, upon meeting him, you would never know. All he said about it when I met him and he gave a tour of his ranch was "and then I got a call and I received some award. The anti-nuclear something or other." HA! just goes to show how little he cares about getting praise or recognition. All he wants to do is help his people. The only reason I learned all this is because I had a feeling it was a  huge deal and researched it when I got home. Essentially, these kind of economic and business investments in the community, from the community's members, is the only way that Pine Ridge reservation will rise above poverty. Here is a man who has shown that it is indeed possible to learn how to thrive in both the White mans world of capitalism AND the Native world of Mitakuye Oyasin. He chooses his life of humility. As long as he has his livelihood and can continue his businesses that help his people, he really doesn't care about anything else. He is quite satisfied with his 20 acre land that he can officially say is his land. He's got a greenhouse, a herd of 10 beautiful buffalo, a workshop, gardens, and a home where his ancestors once were. Thats all he needs. Henry picks vegetables and fruits from his garden and gives it away to people on the rez. While he does this, he uses the time to talk to them about the importance of nutrition and educates them on diabetes (its a HUGE problem here because the only foods that people can afford on EBT that will last them all month is LOADED with preservatives. Its given me some health issues already and I've only been here about 2 wks.) In my naivete, still not knowing exactly how accomplished this man was, I asked for his number and if it would be okay for me to offer my help to him on his ranch. Without skipping a heartbeat, he gave it to me. Just like that. I am so honored to even have just met him at all. He is a descendant of Chief Red Cloud, the Chief who essentially owns this tribe. When Henry received his award, he wore his great, great, grandfather's eagle feather to NY to accept it (the Eagle is a symbol of the connection between man and spirit). This is the same feather that Chief Red Cloud wore to the signing of the 1868 Fort Laramie Treaty (one of the 300 treaties that our country has completely ignored, but again thats another story).

*Sidenote: the significance of this all being focused around solar energy is such a beautiful metaphor for the hope of a better Lakota people. The sun plays a huge role in their spirituality, serving as a symbol of the Great Mystery (Wakantanka), death and rebirth. The most sacred Native American tradition, the Sundance, teaches the Lakota people their purpose. It is a four day fast and dance which reminds them of the importance of sacrifice and their connection to all beings in the Cosmos. I really like the way Kelly Looking Horse described it: "You know, by the end of the second day, after you haven't eaten anything and you've been dancing with your family non-stop, there are children crying and you see that the people are in so much pain. From this, you experience wisdom. You look at the ground and you notice the tiny ants, building away. You look in the sky, and you see the birds, floating toward the Heavens. You remember what life means. And you become thankful for it all. You are reborn."

More info on Henry:

http://www.motherearthnews.com/energy-matters/henry-red-cloud-renewable-energy.aspx

Outside- straw bale house

Inside- Henry, the man himself & baby doggies.

Greenhouse

Mix this with earth, water, and smarts. You've got a house.

You can even control the temperature!

Magic Machine

Shed & Workshop

The recycled insulation is not flammable and repels cockroaches, rats, and most other pests.

Office: where the genius happens.

He loves mixing flowers and peppers. Me too :)

Graffiti he spray painted a long time ago

Art depicting the Creation Story. Solar panel.

Green Energy!

More solar panels.

The Middle Way

I have been exposed to so much pain in so little time. It is hard to have good stamina when you are in the middle of absolutely nowhere. It is hard to remain hopeful and have energy when you are surrounded by a people constantly fighting against the grain of negativity and social injustice. When I first got here, the open space was absolutely refreshing (and it still is), but it takes at least an hour and a half to go anywhere; I can see why many Pine Ridge residents feel trapped or isolated. Furthermore, I can see why people are willing to hitch hike or walk to the nearest large city, even though it will undoubtedly take several hours and is extremely dangerous. I have my own safe space in my room and car, and that is helpful, but it is exhausting that the phone and door are constantly going off. People are constantly asking for things. Sometimes I have to check my patience before talking with people, because not all of them are appreciative or nice, or even sober, and I'm tempted to snap. That being said, here are a few tangible things that have brought me hope and reminded me to be grateful over the past week...

The Cross was given to me by a friend and resident of Tent City,
it was made by a gentleman at Riverbend Maximum Security Prison. If both of them can have hope, surely I can. 

close-up of the Sacred Heart Prayer that my dear Lindsey bought me for my trip :)
 I try to remember to pray it every night. 

close-up of the wall scroll. a nice reminder, I think. 

Even though these are small, seemingly insignificant, things they give me something beautiful to admire. That has always been important to me, finding beauty in life. It is the small things that count most, I think. Its part of the reason I still take the time to put on make up and perfume when I wake up, even though nobody here really wears it.

Wounded Knee

The only picture of the site I took.

I've been waiting for this day since I arrived. There's no way I could properly explain the atrocity that happened on this piece of land, so I won't try. But please, it would do you great justice to educate yourself. History classes sure as hell don't. The site is only about ten minutes away from the Center, so Karen asked Kelly Looking Horse and his wife, Suzie, to meet us there and speak with us. When we arrived, Kelly gave us a brief run-down of how the massacre actually happened, pointing out different areas of the prairie as he explained. He is able to give this detailed recount because his grandfather, who was fourteen years old at the time, survived the massacre. Kelly has never heard his grandfather's entire story because he always broke down into tears and began singing before he could finish. Before we walked into the actual cemetery, Suzie gave each of us a pinch of tobacco. Kelly explained that this was to be used as an offering to the people that died there. As we walked in, Kelly was very adamant about only walking in certain areas. He insisted that none of us walk in front of the large headstone (which carried many victim's names) because it would be, "like walking in front of your grandfather while he was saying something important." As we entered, I noticed there was a man that followed behind me. I turned and offered him some of my tobacco because he looked like he was there to pray. In offering the tobacco, Kelly asked that we raise it to the sky (to offer it to Grandfather), and then scatter it on the ground (to offer it to Grandmother). When this was finished, Kelly sang a song in Lakota and played a drum to honor the leaders that died there (a tribal tradition). As we continued to walk toward the headstone, Kelly said "Look down in front of you." There was a giant, rectangle shaped patch of grass. "Thats the pit where the cavalry shoved all of the bodies." The man behind me tapped me on the shoulder and showed me his tribal ID, which read "Melvin High Hawk." Then, he pointed to the headstone... sure enough, right in the middle of the list, his family name was engraved: "High Hawk." He then tried to peddle me into buying one of his handmade dreamcatchers. After explaining that I had no money, I knelt down to pray. As I was kneeling and had my hand on the ground, Melvin came closer behind me and began singing a prayer song in Lakota, very softly. Tears just started streaming down my face. All I could do was thank him. As we stood there, Kelly pointed out many offerings that people had tied along the fence: tobacco ties, sundance regalia, food, money, all kinds of things. He told the story of many people's graves and then said, "If any of you are feeling guilty because you are white, don't. I am not here to make you feel like you did something." Ironically, two white guys were walking around the site, cameras around their neck. All of the Indians in the area drew a silence, and the white men shyly said, "I'm sorry if I'm interrupting something." Kelly firmly responded, "No." It was an interesting dynamic. The Indians didn't mind that they were there, but still... Kelly watched them very intently to see how they walked around the cemetary, making sure they were respectful. The place doesn't look very fancy on purpose. In fact, it looks pretty bad. There are weeds everywhere, and no flowers except fake ones. Kelly says this is because the local people believe there is a "black cloud that looms over this ground. Nothing will flourish here." There are still Indians that live in the immediate surrounding area, and they watch over the site. Many of them see white people visiting and use it as an opportunity to make money by selling their crafts. Anytime people try to fix the place up and build a nice brick fence, or anything like that, they usually come in packs and refuse the service. They don't want Wounded Knee to be a tourist attraction (it has been in the past, until the American Indian Movement had many of the surrounding facilities shut down). They want it to be left alone. After leaving, we went back to the Center and had dinner together. Then, Kelly showed us many of his handmade drums and Suzie showed us her beadwork. The stories behind their art were incredible. When someone asked "Do you have any of that written down?" Kelly replied, "We are a people of oral tradition. Writing everything down is a habit of the white man. Indians believe that if something is really that important, you should remember it." He told us a story about how when he was younger, his teacher asked him to record his grandfather's beautiful singing in the morning while praying. Kelly's grandfather told him, "If you want to know my songs, get up in the morning and stand next to me."

The Circle

Tonight, Will Peters came to speak with us at the Center. He is a renowned Native American activist, has served on Tribal council, teaches Lakota Studies, and has won a NAMMY (Native American equivalent of a Grammy). He actually came and spoke at Belmont last year. His main focus was explaining the structure of Lakota family. He explained that women are considered the backbone of the Lakota. In his culture, women are "stronger" than men. They are fierce lovers, nurturers and protectors. He then used the back of a traditional drum, a series of layered circles made from buffalo hide, to help us visualize the structure of Lakota society. In the very center is the "wakanheja," meaning the "sacred ones" (there is no word for child), surrounding them are the elders, next are the women, followed by the men. Their sacred animal, the buffalo, carries many important characteristics of Lakota culture. When a buffalo is born, it knows it's family unit. The man's purpose in Lakota culture is to give his entire life to protecting the inner circles. Thus, the"wakanheja" are the most protected, so to speak. In order to access them, one must first get through the men, then women, and elders. He then explained that the women are considered stronger because not enough men learn how to cry. To be an agent of change and to be a true protector, one must be able to empathize. "If a man doesn't know how to cry, he is not to be trusted. He cannot know Tunkasila (God), because he thinks he already knows everything. Those men...those people...have no place of honor." Crazy Horse was a leader selected by his people, he did not choose himself or ask to become a leader. People chose him not only because he was a brave warrior, but he had a humble way of showing respect. When he hunted, he would bring meat to the elders, women, and children first. He then explained how heartbroken he was to see that in many ways, "darkness" (thats the term he used) has penetrated the circle and harmed the "wakanheja," the sacred ones, the children. As a teacher, he has seen children lost to substance abuse, rape, and suicide, among many other things. Even on a day to day level, the way the children speak to, and refer to, one another is like they have lost their identities; they don't know who they are, what they stand for, or where they come from. There is no pride among most of them. He continued to convey how disgusted he was that the rest of Turtle Island (the original title that Natives gave to America) treated their war veterans like dirt when they should be welcomed like warriors, with honor and dignity. He carries a lot of resentment for being stuck on a  reservation, and explained that it often feels more like a concentration camp. It is so sad to see a strong people fighting one another for limited resources.

Crazy Horse. 

Love On Top

Beyonce is pregnant. Damn...that gives me a lot of diva feelings. If you know me at all, you know I love Beyonce. I mean, I'm a fan. But, more importantly, I respect her on a human level, on a female level, on a spiritual level, because she has tremendous heart (plus, she's from Houston!). Anyway, seeing how proud she was to announce her belly made me think about a lot of things. Right now, I'm in a place where I feel pregnant emotionally, intellectually, spiritually (not physically haha). I keep being filled and filled with all of these incredible experiences and wisdom; I feel like I need to use them to give birth to something really beautiful. I suppose thats not my own planning. :) When B walked on stage at the VMAs and said "I want you to feel the love growing inside of me," it wasn't a question or a suggestion; it was a statement. I thought to myself, "me too, girl." (...a LOT of diva feelings haha) Aside from "Love On Top" being such a feel-good arrangement, the lyrics are pretty on point (some of it is corny, in true B fashion), but honestly...what would the world look like if we could all sing “Love on Top” to even just one person in our lives and really mean it? What would happen if we all decided to do as we are intended and put someone else's well being before our own? Life would be so full. For everybody. Today when I woke up, two of the Fort Collins ladies were sorting quilts that were to be passed out to all the Indian boarding schools on the res. The other one, Theresa, drove about an hour away to help Mary & Harlen Standing Bear get new tribal IDs. Later in the day, Alicia drove all the way out to Chadron (almost 2 hrs away) to buy backpacks for rest of the kids before school starts. All day long, people were checking on my burn. THESE ARE ALL VOLUNTEERS, Y'ALL. None of this is required, and yet... look at what people are willing to do for one another. LOVE-ON-TOP! :) In the afternoon, Dorothy came over and I made us all tea. She really loved it, so I gave it to her as a gift. The expression on her face was unforgettable. She looked at me and said "This is the best gift I've received in such a long time." When I saw her sincerity, I just grabbed her hand and held it. Tea never tasted so good. 

Miss Dorothy & I

Around 4PM, the Colorado women and I made 40 chocolate almond butter empanadas for the kids after school snack. Thank God they were well behaved today haha. They played for a little bit (I helped the girls make bead keychains with the Standing Bears and Karen) and then we all sang together at the end. I think Alicia and I are gonna start planning songs to play every week.

Nom Nom Nom :)

Jane & BettyLou (who celebrated her 77th Bird Day yesterday!)

Felicia & her bunny, made at our beading station! ^.^ (Mary Standing Bear in the back: Queen of the Beads!)

Medicine Wheel

Marquis & I made a pretty rad kitty keychain, if I do say so myself.  

More beautiful graffiti